I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize