U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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