why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
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I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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