i jhust puked up my retainher.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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