I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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