you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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