Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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