I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
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Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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