Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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