Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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