Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize