he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
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keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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