I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize