I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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