this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize