She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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