peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize