there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
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Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
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You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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