Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
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She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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