these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize