where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
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This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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