Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
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I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
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The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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