$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize