The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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