she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
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I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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