I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
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whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
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I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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