I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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