I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
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I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
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The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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