anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize