So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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