I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm bleeding and have questions
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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