walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
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Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
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If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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