I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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