We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
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So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
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Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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