I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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