There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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