1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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