Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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