Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
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I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize