I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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