You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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