I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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