we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
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I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
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My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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