Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i walk over a car last night?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize