They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
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You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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