I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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