What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize