I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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