Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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