did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
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I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
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Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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